By Gillian Gacuma
Manila, Philippines–Breakups are devastating. It feels like the whole world turns upside down, leaving nothing but sadness, loneliness, and depression. It’s completely natural to feel this way, and often it can feel like leaving the relationship was a terrible decision.
Whether it’s an amicable breakup or a horrible, Basha and Popoy situation, you’ve invested a part of you into another person and must accept that a relationship that you once nurtured is gone.
I’ve written helpful things you can focus on to help you pass the fall out of a breakup. Here are some “simple” rules that you can also follow to survive the pain.
Rule #1: Give them space!
Don’t you ever dare to text or call the other person. Let your absence be felt. In that time, he/she may realise what are missing. Either way, you don’t want to look desperada by consistently calling or texting. Believe me, that will only drive them further away.
Rule #2: Unfollow. Delete. Box it. Clean slate baby!
The pictures, the memories, the favorite cafe to hang out, the movies, the gifts… there are so many different ways we can be painfully reminded of a relationship that ended. So Unfollow him/her in Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Tumblr and other social media sites that you could possibly see him/her. Delete your photos and videos together in your gadgets, (now na!). Box the gifts and other displayed items in your room that reminds him/her. Keep it away for future use or better, donate it to charities.
I would also recommend day offs from social media for at least a day or two; you’re not going to miss out on much in the way of your virtual social life, and it’ll keep you from creeping where you should not be (his/her page) and from making emotional posts (#WhoGoatChronicles) that will embarrass you in the future. Been there, done that and it isn’t worthy.
Rule #3: Stop drinking or eating crap… alright, give yourself a night. A night. (Only applies to those who doesn’t have health issues)
Go ahead, have a night where you can drown yourself in alcohol and get whatever food you like (putok batok foods are the best). Cry for hours until dawn. Sometimes this rebooting style helps — just don’t overdo it and gain a lot of weight. Anyway, hangover and insulin spikes will teach you the lesson that it’s not worth it. You need your self back and running on the next day again so don’t over do this. Oh, and alcohol and junk foods dries out people’s skin and make it look older. Ew. Just saying.
Start it right and eat light.
Rule #4: For now, go “meatless”
(I can’t believe I’m writing this, but it helps lol) I understand that you are lonely or feeling alone but don’t use it as an excuse to sleep or hook up with someone. Instead, Invite a friend over (No, not the one you labeled “friend” from Grindr or Tinder) for a movie marathon or overnight chats OR do something you’ve always love and that will make you happy. The fallouts are not worth that momentary feeling of ahhh…pleasure, and you will only feel more LONELY in the end. So do something positive.
Rule #5: Take it easy
You should understand that it will take time before you are ready to date again. It’s not a race of who’ll find a new date. So please, don’t jump into a relationship with the first cute guy/girl you meet or else you’ll be rebounding. It’s not healthy for you and the new person. Allow yourself to heal and process what happened in a positive way.
If you are severely depressed, reach out to your family or friends for help and comfort. WALANG FOREVER also applies during the hard times, that pain is not forever! It will pass, so hang in there!!!
Rule #6: Manage your expectations
Perhaps out of loneliness, you may expect that the other person may call or text you and want to get back together but ask yourself if this is really what you want, or if you are ready to experience a new, healthier or better relationship. Besides, there are reasons why an EX is called an ex.
Rule #7: Let it go : )
Just because you are experiencing a break-up does not mean that you are a terrible person or that the other person is bad either (Abusive partners not included). You are just NOT right for each other. It’s that simple.
No matter what you think right now, you WILL find someone new — there are so many people out there (7 Billion?), and who knows if your Mr. or Ms. Right is just waiting to be found or you already did? Don’t occupy yourself by sticking to your ex and what should have been done to save the relationship. By doing so, you will not notice the people whom might be the next person that will love you the way you deserve to. Don’t miss the chance of a possible new chapter. So let it go.
Rule #8: Pursue your own dreams and interest
After the relationship ends, it can be incredibly liberating to know that you can go back to pursuing your favorite things or hobbies. Never let the past interfere into your future. It will only bring you memories of the past, and thus causing your depression from the breakup to return. Cope with the future and move on living your life. So whether it’s spending time with family and friends, hiking, learning a new language, volunteering or singing, pursuing things that give you joy are helpful to get past a break up.
It doesn’t seem like it now, but there are many others out there who are ready to learn and be part of your life. Someday you will meet someone else who is exciting, fun, wonderful and believe it or not, the memories of your ex will soon fade.