By Gillian Gacuma
Manila, Philippines– So it’s been five months since my breakup with my ex boyfriend last May. And a lot happen during those times, mostly notable ones. The journey to recovery wasn’t that easy but I’m glad I took the leap which lead me to writing the 8 post breakup rules and the five signs that I’ve finally moved on. In short, I’m happily moved on.
Very timely to Adele’s latest hit single, Hello, my ex just contact me again and asks if we could go out together for dinner. Honestly, I felt like drowning in a pool of ice when I heard his voice again. Its nostalgic. And in a span of our five minutes conversation, mostly awkward ‘silence’, considerations rushed in to me whether I would take his offer.
I sat down in the corner of my bed, looking at the afternoon skyline of Cebu and trimmed down my thoughts about his action. Days have passed and yes, we’ve met last week in a cafe in Quezon City.
So what were the considerations I had in mind during our personal conversation and when he asked for a second chance?
#1: He/she still blames you on the fallout
The relationship fucked up for a reason, so listen on how your ex will start the conversation on this matter. After a breakup, exes will usually blame the other person that caused the breakup to other people. And It was very easy to talk about the other person’s fault on this page, so observe whether he/she will still sound like a blame machine. It’s easy to sense if your ex is sincere enough to discuss what went wrong in the relationship so he/she can improve it the future or continue the blame to make themselves feel better/’higher.’
#2: Does he/she see you in the future?
If your ex talks about his/her future plan with you in it, then he/she might be actually thinking about reconciliation but again, observe his/her sincerity about it. This is a favorable action from your ex so at least try to reward it by acknowledging his/her plan (Pero wag yung paasa mode, okay?.)
In my case, he’s asking me to pursue our planned (naudlot) trip to Sagada in Mountain Province, just like he always wanted to. I’m still doubtful.
#3: Life after your breakup (Dates and hookups)
This one could be a bit tricky, if your ex trying to hide the fact that he/she has been dating, then he/she is considering a real reconciliation with you. Unless it is on their mind, they wouldn’t mind to tell you if he/she has an active dating life. However, if they’re not dating, it doesn’t actually means that he/she is waiting for you.
Avoid stalking their Facebook or other social media accounts for you to find out the ‘truth, just absorb whatever they want you to believe. Also, try to stay away from gossips about your ex. Anyway, if you really moved on, you wouldn’t mind knowing if he/she is dating. You just slayyyy… like I always do.
#4: Becoming someone better
So you’ve been talking for an hour. By this time, I believe that you could already tell if your ex improved the areas that he/she missed that contributed to the fallout. Ask if how he/she been and listen well to the story. You were together before, I believe you would know if he/she is really happy with the life he/she have now and the other person’s willingness for you to be part of it.
For me, it’s still a deal breaker if he remains in pain with your past relationship or worst, another fallout that he experienced when you were no longer together. In my case, I told my ex that he needs to let go of all his baggage in order for him to start a fresh and fruitful relationship either with me or another partner.
#5: Are you on the ‘same page?’
Whatever the case, if both of you smile when talking about the future and share the same vision, or at least a similar one, you shouldn’t throw it all away. Instead, you might give it a chance for the good of a possible relationship and make it right this time.
However, If your ex isn’t willing to meet your needs and wants, or to compromise, so that each of you is content and happy, you should not think of giving them another chance. Identifying and living up to HIS/HER basic needs and wants is a crucial part in any relationship. Both of you would only lead to another breakup if this will be your case. Any form of relationship is a combination of effort and understanding from both parties, not a one-sided deal of commitment.
The keyword will always be “us” and “we,” not just “I.” So listen well.
At the end of the day, you will decide whether you want to give it a shot or not. Think about it 🙂
*Photo and GIF by Google Images*