MANILA–Are you one of those who dreamt of a Ryan and Seb kind of relationship? or just in love with the idea of being with someone who meets your own standards? Like many others in dating apps?
Modern dating is complicated at its finest, and many gay men falls wrongfully for it. And no, this is different from the usual hook-up culture that we have.
Dating today can be your everything or nothing at the same time. And its a make or break moment specially to those who aren’t used to this collect-and-select culture.
(An article from someone who is sick of this culture.)
You’re a modern dating gay men and likely to miss the possibility of a serious relationship if…
1. Dating is a Job post for your ‘matches’ to fill– Grindr, OkCupid and WeChat are your new best friends, finding what best suits your personality or Captain A. While there’s nothing wrong searching for the best possible partner, it becomes ugly when you began filling the gaps of the other to some of your target dates.
If the other meets some qualities then he’ll stay, if the other doesn’t, then he’s likely to be rejected or if still lucky, pre-qualified to fill the gap. You set rules driven by (roll eyes), #RelationshipGoals or guy code, which is actually wishful thinking, the fact that human code isn’t embedded in everyone. We’re not goods for God’s sake!
2. (In all honesty…) Looks matters the most-I know, physical appearance is one of the first keys why we are attracted to other person, but that feeling doesn’t last forever.
In an image conscious society (EGO eh!), you subconsciously care a lot on how people will react on your picture with your date or how your frennies will. The society has even imposed us the difference between your date’s actions being romantic and creepy through how attractive you find the other person will be. Period.
3. You collect OPTIONS– “Loyalty is the prerequisite of love.” Online dating and dating apps speeds up our search on finding a possible match. And so your looooong list of option of other matches. Surprisingly, it’s ‘acceptable’ or tolerated by most people, putting trust and loyalty in grave. It seems to be an all-fair game until you become exclusive. Unfortunately, in most instances, Exclusive Dating is a stranger to you [Jumps off the building].
4. Insensitivity is your new game– People is fond of showing how ‘cool’ and blasé they can be to the other person, so little mind games like ‘Tatagalan ko magreply sa mga text nya’ (Intentionally responding late to messages) will happen. To tell you, it isn’t fun or even ‘cute.’ It seems that the person who cares “less” has all the power over the other. So you don’t want to be the one who’s more interested.
5. Commitment is not your goal– Being official is a no go option for you so you’ll maintain a label-free relationship, which blurs boundaries and only works until it doesn’t. You’ve said it many times before – “Basta ok ako na ganito lang muna tayo” (I’m happy with what we have now) or “I’m not ready, let’s just keep it this way” is an invitation for cheating, oh! Oh dear you’re not being cheated because, hey, you weren’t together together. Have some goals, please!
6. Priorities-Set plans are image of the past for you. You have options, so you end up picking whoever you feel to be with on your whereabouts that day. And when the other person asks you for an out-of-town trip or a planned dinner, he is likely to receive “Maybe” or “I’ll let you know” from you. Your deciding factor(s) or criteria will be if who among them offers more fun/interesting things to do.
7. Social Media is your way– You are more likely to discover his likes and dislikes through his Facebook or Instagram accounts, saving you time and effort in knowing him personally. You judge him through his posts or the image that he portrays in Cyber world. Which is absolutely shaky.
8. Convenience is your new name- I always say this to other people, NEVER confuse convenience over love. If it’s convenient for you then it’s something that will not make you grow or push you further. Good things doesn’t come easy honey.
In case you find yourself locked in this situation, draw the line. Be honest with the other person and discuss him your stand and a clear direction for both of you. #MindGames ends today!
Fruitful relationships that you are trying to build during dating period come with great amount of patience and efforts from both parties, unless you are not ready for it.
This type of dating may be a plus on others but most of the time it lands in unfavorable results. Like most of you, I do use dating apps but once I’ve met a possible match, I go off track from the pattern of dating today. Why not do the same? 🙂
Another simple reminder, dating is a way for us to learn more about our future better half and ourselves so make the most of it and start it right.
Photos by: Google Images
ViajeroMNL (Viajero Manila) is a lifestyle blog site that features different pop culture, travel, and food destinations in the Philippines. This article was written by Gillian Gacuma.